prayer

Dear God/dess

I am going to pray for the one thing that makes me not belive in you most days. I am going to pray for Love. I am going to say, source and ground of being, that i desire to be loved, to be held and to be seen for who i am and who i am trying to be and loved through it all. I want a partner and collaborator for life, someone i can share my deepest emotional intimacy with.

I ask this, God, beliving you to be a bit of a bastard and a bitch on these issues. I say this beliving that every time i have gotten near love - and they say you are love, so every time i have gotten near you - that i find my self to be unhealthy, or them unhealthy or that they actually love or prefer someone else to me.

God, i want to be open to life. I want to be open to knowing love, to being safe to share my deepest self.

I dont belive this can happen. I don't belive these things really exist.

But then again, the other side of the cross was resserection, so i'm willing to be surprised.

Jason